Saturday, April 7, 2012

Classic MST: “Spirit of the Sand” by WotanAnubis

In the not-too distant future,
Somewhere on the Internet,
Lurked a crazy rambling author
no one could just quite forget,
Lotsa weirdos enjoyed all the jokes he made
Nutty fans and Anons pestered him in spades,
They came up with a plan to put 'im back in his place,
So they warped him through his e-mail and they shot him into space

We’ll send him crappy fanfics,
The worst we can find, (la la la!)
He’ll have to sit and read them all
And we’ll monitor his mind
Now keep in mind he can’t control
When the fics begin or end
He’ll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his character friends:

Random Roll Call!
Pictograph Guy! “Ya oughtta be in pictchahs!”
Rauru! “Live and let pie!”
Zelda! “Shake it like a Polaroid picture!”
Link! “Big, broad, sassy and brassy!”
If you don’t get how he stays alive                
Or other technicalities,
Just bear in mind that I don’t care
So don’t bother asking, please
On Random Silly Theater 3000!

“Spirit of the Sand” by WotanAnubis

>>Zelda looked at the large stone statue

Zelda: YES! It’s me! Score one for the rich beautiful popular people!

>>as she walked towards it,

Link: Huh. So she decided not to wear a blindfold today?

>>her dress trailing across the red stone.

Rauru: Hooray, she’s getting married!

Zelda: Oh, ha ha ha, ha ha, ha, no, no. No. Nononononono. Why buy when you can rent?

Rauru:’re saying there’s not going to be a reception with a cake and little sandwiches?

Zelda: What, in the story, or in real life?

Rauru: Either, really.

>>She wasn't very knowledgeable about Gerudo culture, but she suspected the woman figure represented the Goddess of the Sand or the Spirit of the Gerudo.

Link: Or some crap like that.

DED: It’s the Mystical Sand Goddess or the Flying Dutchman or something. Who am I, Sir James George Frazer?

Zelda: Dave, could you even TRY to say things a normal person would ever understand?

DED: Google it, noobs!

>>Then again it might as well have been a statue of some Gerudo fertility goddess or some ordinary Gerudo

Rauru: Look, I don’t know, okay? I’m not on trial here!

>>who had performed some legendary feat in the distant past.

Link: So...wouldn’t that make her NOT ordinary?

>>Maybe it had been a sage, a long time ago.

Zelda: Wait. Actually, on second examination, it might not even be a humanoid figure. Perhaps it’s some kind of beetle.

>>Well, whatever it was, it was something to look at in an otherwise empty temple.

DED: Man, this story is off to a blazing start! I need to catch my breath!

Rauru: And it’s so evocative! It’s like I’m actually there, sitting in an empty temple!

Link: A thrill ride that grabs you from the beginning and never lets go!

>>She wasn't quite sure what the whole point of spending the night here was,

Zelda: I mean, the bear traps, the poison darts, the giant crushing blocks from the just doesn’t add up!

>>but Nabooru had told her it was an important Gerudo ritual all non-Gerudo women had to go through

Link: Uh huh. Then they tell her that there’s a pool on the roof and she has to go swim in it.

>>in order to be fully accepted into the desert society.

Rauru: In a culture of highly militaristic warrior women, only those who demonstrate exceptional sitting-and-waiting-around skills can be truly accepted.

>>Zelda had expected some kind of test,

DED: ...but MAN were those Scantron bubbles tiny!

>>but apparently the only thing being tested was her attention span.

Link: And her comprehension of particle physics. But we skipped that part because it was boring.

>>Zelda turned around sharply

Zelda: Eye protection must be worn at all times.

>>when she thought she heard something behind her.

DED: Yes, after fifty consecutive hours locked in the temple with no food or water, the hallucinations began to kick in.

>>"Someone there?"

Link: “Angel of death? Is that you? Oh, it’s been so long, I thought you’d never come...”

>>"What would you say if I answered 'no'?"

Zelda: “Uhh, ‘fuck you’?”

>>"I'd ask you to stop fooling around," Zelda replied.

Rauru: “Then I’d come over there and kiss you full in the mouth.”

Link: Hey, he’s starting to get the hang of it.

>>There was a laugh.

DED: HA HA HA! Dangly bits.

>>"You're not scared, Princess of the Hylians."

Zelda: “Um, should I be?”

DED: “I don’t know. Would the prospect of a searing hot brand being pressed into your flesh scare you?”

>>"I see no reason to be scared."

Rauru: Mysterious voice, darkened room...No problems here!

>>Again there was a laugh from the shadows.

Link: “Thank you, thank you! You’ve been a great bunch of shadows! Try the steak!”

>>"You are very brave, Princess of the Hylians. But then again,

DED: “ are very stupid.”

>>I suppose that should have been expected from one who bore the Triforce of Wisdom."

Link: Really? Yeah? Because, I mean, it’s not like there’s a Triforce of COURAGE or anything.

>>Zelda's eyes narrowed. "How do you know about that?"

Zelda: And...what ELSE do you know?

>>"I know a lot of things,

DED: *snort*

Rauru: “I have my sources. You know.”

>>Princess of the Hylians."

Link: Knight of Mars! Beater of Ass!

>>"But I never recieved the Triforce," Zelda said.

Zelda: Uh, nope. Sorry. Not true. Got it right...uh...right here on my...hand...

Link: Did you lose it again?

Zelda: No! Of course not. I know exactly where it is. I left it It’s...look, it’ll turn up.

>>"Not in this version of time, no."

DED: Yeah, they took that out in the latest patch.

>>"You don't sound like one of the sages and I know you're not one of the Triforce bearers," said Zelda.

Rauru: “How do you know I’m not?”

Zelda: “I know a lot of things, Disembodied Voice!”

>>"Did Nabooru tell you all of this?"

"In a sense."

DED: “She told me everything, and yet nothing, in a place that did not exist, in a time that has yet to never happen.”

>>A woman emerged from the shadows. She was strangely unremarkable.

Rauru: I just DARE you to remark her!

>>She was obviously a Gerudo - she had the red hair and the dark skin and the white lips, but somehow she had absolutely no distinguishing features whatsoever.

Zelda: You know, beyond the, um, three I just listed.

>>She was just a Gerudo.

DED: Shouldn’t you at least TRY to make your major characters the tiniest bit interesting? Don’t they teach you that in Writing School?

Link: Writing School?

DED: You know, Writing School. Where you get learned how to write good.

>>Zelda found this deeply suspicious.

Rauru: Zelda is a deeply confused woman.

Zelda: Bland is suspicious, left is right, it’s KUH-RAZY!

>>"Who are you?"

DED: “I am Generica, Goddess of Banality!”

>>"A Gerudo, Princess of the Hylians."

"That I can see," said Zelda.

Rauru: Diggity-duh.

>>"But I doubt you're an ordinary Gerudo."

Link: “I mean, I know a lot of things.”

DED: Okay, cut it out.

>>"Oh? Do I look that extraordinary?" the Gerudo asked, smiling.

Rauru: No, you look FABuloussss!

>>"No," said Zelda. "That's why I said it."

Zelda: Dyslexics of the world, untie!

>>The Gerudo laughed.

Link: “You’re a fucking RIOT! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

>>"You are quite right, Princess of the Hylians.

DED: “...Though I’ve kind of forgotten about what...”

>>You might say I'm not a real person

Rauru: If you were, you know, an idiot.

>>and there again, you might say I'm the only real person.

Zelda: “You might say I’m a talking pizza. Hey, it’s a free country.”

>>This temple is dedicated to me,

Link: “Me, do you hear me?!? MEEEEEEEE!!!”

>>the Spirit of Gerudo

Rauru: Ms. G. E. Rudo.

>>and the Mother of all her Daughters."

DED: *cracks up* Uh huh. She’s married to the great god Bob, Father of his Children.

Zelda: Hey, I’m the Daughter of All My Mother, but you don’t see me going around building temples to myself.

>>"You're a Goddess?"

Link: Must be some New Wave thing.

Rauru: Lousy granola-munching hippie cults!

>>"No. I'm both more and less than that, Princess of the Hylians."

Zelda: “More, in the sense that I have unimaginable cosmic power, and less, in that I seem to be incapable of making ONE SINGLE CONCRETE SENTENCE.”

DED: “You see, I am one with all and with nothing, for I was born before I died at the end of the universe from a womb that is not a womb...”

Link: “Also, I really really love pot.”

>>The Gerudo walked towards Zelda and began circling her.

Rauru: (hums “Flight of the Bumblebee”)

>>Zelda tried following her with her eyes.

Zelda: Unfortunately, last time I checked my eyes don’t go all the way around to the back of my head.

Link: When was the last time you checked?

Zelda: It was...ght...I don’t know, it’s just an expression!

Link: Well, why don’t you check again?

Zelda: GAH! Just shut UP!

Link: Oh. That I understand.

>>"But enough about me.

DED: (Barry White impression) Let’s talk about _us._ Ooooh yeah.

>>Why are you here, Princess of the Hylians?"

Zelda: “Um, I’m looking for the bathroom?”

>>"To be accepted into the Gerudo tribe," Zelda answered.

Rauru: “’Cause you know, like, sometimes when I’m at a party they pretend like they don’t know me!”

>>"Ah yes. You recently married my Nabooru, didn't you?
Zelda: Wait, WHAT?

Rauru: So you ARE getting married, after all! Yes! Free sandwiches and cake! I’ll break out my white tuxedo with the big frilly thing in the front!

>> Why?"

Link: Yeah, why?


DED: Oh, so homosexual marriage is an established political institution in Hyrule? Like, Darunia goes off and marries King Zora to make sure he doesn’t declare war?

Link: I, for one, am surprised.

DED: That would make for some really weird episodes of “Inside Politics.”

>>The Gerudo laughed briefly.

Rauru: “Ha ha h---“

>>"How very honest of you, Princess of the Hylians."

Zelda: I have a proper name, you know.

Link: Yes you do, Sitter in the Theater.

DED: Quite right, Wearer of the Verdant-Hued Chapeau.

>>"Relations between the Gerudo and the Hylians have never been all that friendly.

Rauru: “You know, the whole ‘engulfing the world in evil’ thing.”

>>It's hoped that this marriage will help ease the strain."

DED: I wonder how Nabooru feels about this.

Link: Oh, come on. You know how she feels about this.

>>"But what if I told you I want relations to be strained?

Rauru: She wants relations to be pasta?

>>What if I told you I want my daughters to overrun your precious Hylia?"

Zelda: You and your precious country and your precious innocent civilians...

>>"I don't think you want that," said Zelda.

Link: “I know a lot of things, you know.”

DED: Okay, seriously.

>>"The Gerudo are tied to their desert. Hylia has nothing you want."

Rauru: “Except for water. Sweet, delicious water.”

>>"You have men."

Zelda: They came from the desert to steal

Link: I don’t think you’d have any trouble convincing men to come if you wanted them.

DED: “Okay, so we start you out with three beautiful wives, and then we’ll add more as space becomes that enough or do you need more sex?”

>>"You seem to manage fine without them," Zelda said.

Rauru: I think maybe the Gerudo are actually advanced, intelligent fungi.

Zelda: If you look carefully you can see their spore pods.

>>Again the Gerudo laughed. "That's very true, Princess of the Hylians. Very well then."

Link: “ weather we’re having...”

>>The Gerudo stopped circling Zelda

DED: So dizzy...

>>and stood in front of her, her head tilting slightly to one side, smiling.

Rauru: Arf!

>>"Hylian women often seek to join my daughters, for a variety of reasons.

Zelda: “None of them very good...”

>>Some are running away,

Link: “I don’t need you! I’m going to run away into the desert, get lost, and die!”

>>some are in love,

Zelda: Wow. There are really way more lesbians in Hyrule than I thought.

DED: Well, to be fair, if you only had THESE kind of stories to inform you you’d think Hyrule was full of nymphomaniacs.

>>some simply agree with our principles.

Rauru: All Sapphic, all the time.

>>I never test them very much unless they so desire.

Zelda: Ha ha ha ha…heh. I think I know what the test is.

>>But you want me to bless your marriage to Nabooru,

DED: Political. Sure. I bet she just got drunk and married her in Las Vegas.

Zelda: Hey, I’ve never drunkenly married anyone in Las Vegas.

DED: I like how you qualify that statement with “in Las Vegas.”

Zelda: ...uh...

>>which would make you ruler over my daughters. And only Gerudo can rule over Gerudo."

Rauru: “You know. It’s this legal thing.”

>>"Then bless me and be done with it," Zelda said.

Zelda: “I’ve got, like, a schedule to keep?”

>>"It doesn't seem that difficult."

"More difficult than you think, Princess of the Hylians.

Link: “Do the words ‘enormous flesh-eating lizard’ mean anything to you?”

>>I can't just say that I accept you, not in your case. Something more is required."

Rauru: Sex, sex, sex, sex, SEX, sex, sex, sex, SEX sex sex sex SEX sex sex sex SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX! SEXXXXXXXXXXXX!

>>"Then tell me what it is and I'll do it."

DED: “Okay, touch your nose with your tongue.”

Zelda: “Oh. Um. Shit.”

>>"If you insist."

Rauru: SIGH...

>>The Gerudo raised her hand

Link: STOP! Gerudotime!

>>and Zelda could feel wind beginning to blow. It streamed all around her, taking her away her clothes as if they were nothing but coloured smoke.

DED: Her clothing, my friend, is blowing in the w...

Zelda: Stop.

DED: What?

Zelda: Don’t.

 >>Soon she was naked and the wind died down again.

Link: Man, what an awesome wind.

Rauru: Unlike most wind. LOLZ!

>>"You are very pale, Princess of the Hylians, but beautiful."

DED: “And you’ve kind of got a crooked nose. And you should wash your hair more often. It’s like straw. And maybe use some moisturizer. And you should probably get that thing looked at. And...”

Zelda: All right, that’s enough.

>>Zelda balled her hands and resisted a blush. She wasn't about to show embarrassment

Rauru: Yes, because when you’re standing naked before the judgment of a god, you gotta keep your dignity.

DED: HA HA HA! Em bare ass ment.

>>in front of this woman. "Thank you."

Link: “I’ve spent the last three years in a lightless subterranean really like it?”

Zelda: “Oh, really? It really shows, it’s very nice. My cousin had that done, it didn’t really take.”

>>The Gerudo raised her hand again

Link: Stop! G...

Rauru: Shut up! That wasn’t even funny the first time.

>>and this time a large stone began to rise from the floor in front of the statue. It was large and square

DED: “Impressive, isn’t it?”

Zelda: “”

>>and it shuddered to a halt once it was raised until about waist height.

"An altar?" Zelda guessed.

Link: “Yep. Hop on up, I’ll go get the ceremonial dagger.”

>>"More or less," said the Gerudo.

DED: “Well, altar-slash-griddle. There’s not a lot of space in here. Hey, want to make pancakes?”

Zelda: Let’s hope they don’t accidentally turn the burners on while they make out.

Rauru: Wait, THAT’s what’s going to happen?

Zelda: They’re going to make out? Of COURSE that’s what’s going to happen.

Rauru: No, I know that. I mean the pancakes. They’re going to make pancakes?

Zelda: Oh, for...just shut up.

>>She walked to the large stone and sat down on top of it, facing Zelda. Then the same wind that had blown away Zelda's clothes appeared to affect the Gerudo as well, revealing her dark body.

Link: Doodely doodely doodely doodely...

>>Zelda found her gaze travelling down the woman's body until it rested on the glistening pussy between her legs and the hard cock standing proudly above it.

Zelda: Oh, well, all right then, I guess thghuhWHA?

>>"I see my statement about your kind managing fine without men was more correct than I thought."

Rauru: She’s taking this rather well.

DED: Why do I get the feeling that Zelda was expecting, nay, HOPING for this?

>>The Gerudo laughed. "I am impressed, Princess of the Hylians. Most women react with shock or horror. Yet you remain calm."

Link: “Hmm, I wonder why.”

Zelda: “Shock or horror? At a chick with a dick? Pshh, lady, have you even heard of the Internet?”

DED: The Internet is for porn! Although, really, not that kind.

Link: Al Gore would not approve.

>>Zelda decided not to respond to that.

DED: “SHUT the fuck up!”
>>Instead she silently walked towards the altar and knelt between the woman's spread legs.

Rauru: Wow, she’s really on top of her game.

>>She looked up at the Gerudo's face and saw no objections there.

Zelda: Uh…WHY would you object?

>>Placing her hands on the woman's legs, she leaned forward and licked the Gerudo's slit.

Link: I like how she just starts doing this without any prompting.

Rauru: “Okay, now we perform the Sacred Rite of Naked Rock, Paper, Scissors. If you win, you get to be in the...hey, what? The hell you think you’re doing?”

>>A sudden hiss of sharply drawn breath


>>encouraged Zelda to kiss the woman's wetness,

Zelda: Sigh.

Link: Moisture is the essence of wetness.

>>her lips pressing against the Gerudo's folds, her juices flowing onto her tongue.

DED: You know, guys? This is kind of sick.

>>Zelda wasn't quite sure what to do,

Link: Uh huh. Sure she doesn’t.

Rauru: She seemed pretty sure of herself when she STARTED...

>>but the Gerudo's soft moans told her that, at the very least, she wasn't doing anything wrong.

DED: “Oowww...owwww...pleeeaase...stooooopppp...”

>>Zelda lapped the woman's pussy,

Link: Woof!

>>her tongue sometimes straying to the base of the woman's cock, earning a lustful groan


>>whenever she did so. She drank from her

Zelda: I will consume your SOUL!

>>and as she did so it almost felt as if the Gerudo's wetness filled her body with a warm glow.

DED: You know, if I were a god, and that was the extent of my powers, I’d be kind of disappointed.

Link: Yeah...

DED: Not entirely disappointed, mind you. But somewhat.

>>The feeling was so strong that she was almost surprised that her pale skin wasn't becoming luminous.

Zelda: Oh, come on, what am I, Jack Skelington? This is, like, the third time.

>>The Gerudo grabbed Zelda's blonde hair and pushed her face closer towards her.

Rauru: “Ow, ow, OW!”

>>Zelda found her lips firmly pressed against the woman's pussy

Zelda: “Mmmf, fif if rewey awgwug!”

>>and she let her tongue slide inside of her.

DED: Yep, just stood by and watched. Like the Europeans while Hitler took over Czechoslovakia.

Link: That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?

DED: It was an act of aggressive negligence.

>>One long moan came from the Gerudo's pale lips


Rauru: No no no no no no NO!

Link: Oh mama mia mama mia MAMA MIA LET ME GO!

>>as Zelda tongued her with growing passion.

DED: Wouldn’t it be more typical to tongue someone with your, I don’t know, tongue?

Zelda: Ha, ha.

>>Perhaps it was because the object of her tongue's affections was something not quite human and not quite divine that caused her own arousal to grow and her pussy to become wet.

Link: Uh huh, tell me about it. Demigods? Oh...I just might cream myself right here.

>>The Gerudo hissed

Rauru: Like a sizzling fajita plate.

Zelda: This food-based Rauru analogy has been brought to you by the letter D and the number 4.

>>and moaned with every little movement

DED: I guess I’m not saying anything new here, but this is goofy as hell.

>>of Zelda's tongue and Zelda could feel the dark body moving to her rhythm.

Link: Everybody boogie!

>>She put her hands on the Gerudo's ass

Rauru: ‘s not every day you get to touch a deity’s ass.

>>in an effort to pull her even closer and let her tongue go even deeper inside of her.

DED: And before she knew it, she’d crammed her entire head in there.

Zelda: Ew.

>>Zelda suddenly felt herself being pulled away from the Gerudo.

Link: And into an unmarked car.

>>She looked up and stared into the Gerudo lust-darkened eyes.

DED: Huh huh huh huh hur huh.

>>"You are good, Princess of the Hylians," the Gerudo panted.

Rauru: “”

>>"But this is not all about me."

Zelda: “It’s about big, BIG SAVINGS!”

>>The Gerudo let go off Zelda

DED: Ha huh hur huh...

>>and got off the altar.

"Lie down."

Zelda obediently lay down on the stone.

Link: So, “It’s not all about me. Now do exactly what I say.”

>>It was warmer than she expected,

Zelda: Well, yeah, there was just a sweating lustful person’s body lying there, right?

Rauru: “It was...stickier than she expected...”

>>but she didn't know if it was because of the rock itself or because of the arousal filling her body.

DED: You have to be careful when you have sex or you’ll burst into flames.

>>The Gerudo placed herself between Zelda's legs,

Zelda: What, is she playing Risk?

>>pressing her cock against the princess's pussy.

Link: Atomic batteries to power...turbines to speed...ready to go.

>>She smiled at the pale youth and raised an eyebrow.

Rauru: “HellOOOOOOOOOooo?”

>>Zelda merely nodded.

DED: Uh huh uh huh.

>>And groaned,

Zelda: UHHHHH, every WEEK we do this!

>>her back arching, as the Gerudo's cock slid into her.

Rauru: Ka-squiltch!

Zelda:’re almost enough to make me never want to have sex again.


>>Zelda was so wet the only thing she could feel as the Gerudo pressed into her was pleasure.

Rauru: Except for that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she left the oven on.

>>The Gerudo was precious little time

DED: Hur hee heh huh huh huh hur...

>>exploring the limits of Zelda's pussy

Link: “Day 26: The labia long since behind us, we pushed forward along the birth canal, the cervix looming on the horizon. Stevenson’s scarlet fever has progressed.”

>>and fucked her quickly,

Zelda: Oh, man, I hate that! If I wanted that, I’d put a dildo on a reciprocating jigsaw.

DED: Doesn’t that strike you as insanely dangerous?

Zelda: Yeah, that’s ONE of the reasons I don’t do it.

>>her cock often disappearing completely into her

Rauru: It would retract into her own body? Eughh.

>>before briefly being drawn out, slick and shiny with Zelda's fluids.

DED: 10W-40.

>>The Gerudo leaned over Zelda, grabbing her arms and pinning them to the stone

Link: Oh, so she’s a Christ figure. Interesting.

Zelda: I don’t think it means LITERALLY pinning.

>>as she fucked her. Zelda's eyes had closed the moment the Gerudo was inside of her and her mouth had opened,

DED: Sounds like some kind of mechanical defect. Why don’t we pop the hood and take a look?

Zelda: I beg your pardon!?

>>her chest heaving,

Rauru: Froth flicking off her mouth...

>>her body shuddering with the Gerudo's every thrust. Perhaps there were words trying to escape her lips,

DED: “I...really...don’t...under...stand…”

>>but they were drowned in the moans

Zelda: I wouldn’t want to personify the words I say. It’d be like, “All of her words shot out of her mouth and then smashed into the walls and furniture at the speed of sound, shattering into a million pieces and disappearing forever.”

Link: “No one could hear them scream as they died, but she knew...she knew.”

>>coming from her throat

Rauru: Oh, good. I was afraid they were coming from someplace else.

>>and the lust overpowering her mind.

DED: It’s like the Incredible Hulk or something.

Zelda: What’s scary about that is that if the Incredible Hulk walked out into the middle of the street, insane with lust, and started raping, say, a city bus, there’s really not a whole lot you could do about it.

>>Zelda felt the Gerudo releasing her grip on her wrists

Link: “I’m releasing you...on good behavior.”

>>and then felt some of the heat filling her body travelling downwards towards her mons.

Rauru: Olympus Mons?

DED: No.

Rauru: Tallest mountain on Mars?


>>Zelda struggled to open her eyes

Link: Sssssoooo...booooring...

>>and saw the Gerudo make faint patterns in the air just above her body without so much as slowing down her fucking

Zelda: Wow, multitasking.

DED: Now THAT’S talent!

>>of the princess's body.

Rauru: The end of that sentence makes it kind of...creepy.

>>A shaft of light appeared between the Gerudo's fingers

Link: “You have given in to temptation and failed the test! Now I will smite you!”

>>and attached itself to Zelda's body. Zelda threw her head back and moaned


>>when the light transformed to a pale, rigid cock

Rauru: Whoa, she has a WHAT now?

Zelda: Wow. I think I’d rather have a war with the Gerudos.

>>and her body became filled with sensations of the Gerudo fucking her and jerking her off at the same time.

DED: Two great tastes...

>>The strange new pleasure

Rauru: A Bold New World.

>>coming from her cock mingled and danced with the fiery arousal of her pussy

Zelda: is permanent? Irreversible? I kind of have a life outside of hermaphroditic orgies, you know.

Link: Not much of one, sure, but a life nonetheless.

Zelda: Heeeyy...

>>and surged through her writhing, shivering body.


>>Pleasure overwhelmed her senses, lust screaming from every nerve ending

Rauru: Making more noise than an Aerosmith concert.

>>when she came, her pussy gushing, she shuddering cock ejaculating.

Link: Aww, she made a mess of the temple...

Zelda: Uh huh. Yeah. That was totally worth becoming a deformed hermaphrodite for the rest of my life.

>>Orgasm tore through her, screams filling her ears

Zelda: The flames of hell engulfing her...

>>without realising they were her own.

When the orgasm left her, Zelda found herself falling into darkness.


>>And she heard a voice whispering to her from a long way away.

Rauru: “Okaaay, so duuues are fifteen dollars a monnnnth and we have a potluck dinnnner every Saaaaaaturday...”

Link: “Heeeere’s your official Gerudo I.D. carrrrrrd, gooood for 15% off at select Gerudo retaaaaaaailers...oooooooooooo...”

>>... Fine...

... I will bless your marriage to my Nabooru...

Zelda: “...if you INSIST...”

DED: Aaaand they drift apart after a month and get a divorce.

Rauru: She gets so sick of having a penis that she goes and starts a war with the Gerudo out of spite...

>>... Daughter of the Gerudo...

Link: ...Can’t quite seem to... finish... my sentences...

DED: That was the weirdest hazing ritual ever.

Zelda: So, wait, we’re done?

Rauru: Hey, yeah! That was only a brief sojourn into agony, instead of the lengthy pain parade we usually get!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my God. Hi Dave. Please tell me you remember me. Way back on, we used to dominate the Zelda section with our hilarity and all that "randomness!" I'm so glad I found this nest of MSTs, including 2 new ones which I'm about to read right now. I've kept your MSTs on my computer for all these years and read them every so often because they're so fucking hysterical. I really hope you get this message because I never forgot all the lol's you brought to me! Please drop me a line anytime at Hope to hear from you and I hope you still are making tons of people laugh with your witty, smart humor!
    -gina (MD)